no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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