Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can you bring me the toilet please
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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