We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
