Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
