She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
