I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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