Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
