its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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