so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
