the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
