hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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