Your tits are I can't wait for
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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