READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
