the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize