you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
