pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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