the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
