i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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