You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
