Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
