Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
