you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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