The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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