no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
