i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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