I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
