Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
