While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
