hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize