Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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