I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
