i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
