Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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