new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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