I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
