Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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