ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize