you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
