My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize