Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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