there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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