Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize