You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize