Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
