things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
