I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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