The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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