Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
