I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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