I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
