Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
