this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just high enough for therapy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize