she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
