its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So here I am, sexting at work.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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