I wish I only lived at night.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
