i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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