i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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