I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
