Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
