woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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