Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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