You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
