Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize