My first STD was from a foam party
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
