I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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