If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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