Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want to be your penis for a week.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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