I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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