He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
